The Birth of a Mother
When a child is born, so is a mother. My son's birth pushed me into the world of self discovery and healing. I learned that parenting was not about correcting my child's behavior but connecting within
Before you read our latest blog post below, let me remind you about our upcoming book club. Reserve your spot NOW for our April book club meeting. We will be reading Positive Parenting in the Muslim Home1 by Noha Al Shugairi & Munira Ezzeldin so get your book today to start reading!
The Birth of a Mother
I remember when my son was born on a Friday during Jummah time. We thought we were going to lose him because his heart rate was dropping as he was coming into this world. Turns out, he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his tiny neck. Alhamdullilah, he made it and moments after, they rushed him into the NICU. As I pumped milk, the first drops of colostrum, to give to my husband so that he could feed him at the NICU, I was left alone in the recovery room. I was all alone and the epidural was wearing off. My insides felt like it was going to explode and I had a hard time walking. The NICU was on the other side of the hospital and while there were wheelchairs to transport me there, I was exhausted and I didn’t have the energy to move. And I didn’t have my baby with me to hold him, feed him, and be close to him.Â
The next day, the nurse came into my room and told me I was being discharged. I asked about my baby and she said he would remain at the NICU and we had to go home without him. I was distraught. I barely got to recover and even see my baby and now I have to leave. How could this be? I started to panic and cry hysterically. I told them I couldn’t leave without my baby. I need to be here with him. The midwife came into the room and consoled me and I told her I wanted to be here with my baby. I can’t leave so soon without him. I saw her talk with the hospital staff and she was able to let me stay one extra day. It was during that time that I realized that along with the birth of my son, another birth took place: The birth of a mother.Â
The fierce love and protection that I felt for my son is a testament to a love that only Allah can put in the hearts of a mother. Because my son was in the NICU, I wasn’t able to breastfeed him. I had complications during my delivery so it was very difficult for me to go to the NICU every three hours and breastfeed him. So that day I pumped every 2-3 hours and either my husband or both of us would go and bottle feed him the breast milk. And in those moments, I kept making dua to Allah to give me the strength, determination, willpower, and resilience to be the best mom I can be despite any challenges that were thrown at us. I saw my son and how tiny he was and this overwhelming love poured into me and I wanted to do whatever I could to love him, nurture him, and guide him. He is the biggest blessing and joy in our lives and I wanted to take care of this amanah, this gift, that was given to us in the most sacred way with the help of Allah.Â
So when we brought him home, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I realized I didn’t know a single thing about being a mother. How was I supposed to raise this being when I felt so helpless? How was I supposed to nurture and guide him when I felt so lost myself? Becoming a mother pushed me to face the demons within me. I felt like my heart had been opened and I had to examine the contents within to ensure that I could do this job of parenting in the proper way. I had to face myself, my childhood, and the events and stories that shaped me so that I could become aware and parent in a mindful way. I spent endless hours reading books on healing, Montessori and parenting while pumping and during his nap times. I would go to the library or a coffee shop with a book for a few hours each week while my husband watched our son so that I could learn and grow.Â
The biggest thing parenting has taught me is that it is not really about controlling or fixing my child’s behaviors, but more about uncovering my wounds, triggers, and negative thoughts that subconsciously influence the way I parent. I made a dua, a promise that day when my son was born. I wanted to be the best mom that I can be. Life has thrown many curve balls at us and I keep turning back to Allah for guidance. I don’t have all the answers, but I am passionate about learning how to connect and parent my child. And ironically, the compass kept turning back to me. I had to become aware of myself and I had to come to terms with my upbringing so that I could connect to my son in a meaningful way. Never did I imagine that a 4 pound NICU baby would push me to walk a path that I had been running away from. That path was the path to my inner self. That path was the path to anchoring myself deeply in the guidance Allah was sending me. And the guidance was calling me to be a conscious and mindful parent because my son deserves a mom who is on the path of healing and educating herself to become a better parent, a better human being every single day insha Allah.Â
And now I want to share what I am learning with you all. I don’t claim to be an expert in the field of parenting. I think even the so-called ‘parenting experts’ will tell you that nobody is an expert at parenting. All we can do is to set the intention, make dua, and try. And that’s what I am doing as well. I have spent countless hours reading, writing, and taking parenting courses, and I want to share what I am learning with you. And more importantly, I want to learn from you too. Allah blesses each of us with wisdom and guidance when we become parents. He guides our intuition so we can do the most important job on the planet. And when we come together and share what we are learning, we are walking each other home. Let’s walk each other home.Â
Exciting News for Next Week!
I am so excited to share that my husband, Tamim, is joining the Fountain of Barakah team! Can we get an Alhamdullilah?! My husband has been such a supportive partner in my life so it’s such an honor to have him onboard so we can grow the Fountain of Barakah community together. He and I will be taking turns writing blog posts and sending out the newsletter so next week you will be hearing some of his thoughts, insights, and wisdom from his parenting journey and I can’t wait for you to read them insha Allah!
If you liked what you read, consider joining Fob Village, our parent mentorship community. Our monthly parent support group offers tools, resources, and experiential activities for parents to learn about positive parenting. For the month of January, we will be doing a deep dive into how our brains work when we are triggered. We will explore some practical tools to help us respond effectively when both the parent and child are triggered. So come join us and be a part of this amazing community! We were never meant to parent alone so let’s be on this journey together insha Allah! I can’t wait to see you there!
Check out some of the testimonials of members from the Fob Village! We can’t wait to welcome you to into our community so we can grow together in our monthly group coaching sessions insha Allah!
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