The Wild Robot
Sometimes positive parenting feels like learning a new program. Doing the motions of positive parenting often feels robotic because it was never modeled and it brings up a lot of emotions for everyone
This is one of my first blog posts that I had written last year but have not posted on Fountain of Barakah’s sub stack site. This Ramadan, I have been feeling like the wild robot. Parenting from a place of gentleness and kindness is not something that comes naturally to me, especially when I am tired, exhausted, or stressed. Being an authoritarian to feel like I am in control is my default. And subhanAllah, I have a child who is fiery and feisty and is quick to mirror to me my holes and wounds.
I must admit that it is not a comfortable place to be in, especially as I write about parenting. Often, it seems like everyone around me has the parenting thing figured out. While I know that is not true because we are all struggling in different ways, I feel that story pop up in my mind even more when I am faced with a difficulty. The past couple of weeks have been difficult with our schedules looking different and our routine out the window. So these stories that need to be retold have been sifting to the surface. In the upcoming weeks, I would like to write more about the stories we tell ourselves and what we can do to reframe them. But for this week, I would like to share this blog post because it reflects where I am right now and where I have been for sometime. Maybe it will resonate with you as well.
Originally Posted on October 2nd, 2024
For my birthday this year, my son, husband, and I went to the movies to watch “The Wild Robot” in theaters. I can safely say that this movie is one of my most favorite movies that I have watched. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I began watching it. But half way into the movies, I was in tears. Maybe it’s because of the tender space I have been in these past few weeks with my son turning seven as well as my own motherhood journey. In my motherhood journey, remnants of my childhood and inner child come up for me. So in essence, I feel as though I am parenting both my inner child self and my son at the same time. And truth be told, a part of me feels like I am parenting my husband’s inner child as well. So some days it can be a lot.
There’s so many reflections I want to share from this movie. I can write a whole essay about it to be honest. But one thing I want to focus on is our old programming and our new programming. That was a major theme in the movie. I really want everyone to watch the movie so I won’t share too many spoilers. But essentially it’s about a robot who has been programmed to serve humans but she ends up in the wild. Due to an accident, she has to raise a wild gosling but doesn’t know how to do so at first. With the help of other animals and reprogramming herself, she raises the gosling, even though she does it in the most unconventional way. Other goslings from different families make fun of her and her baby, but she keeps striving to provide the best for her child despite her lack of knowing how to parent a wild gosling.
This aspect of the movie really hit me deep, hence the tears. I began to reflect on my own childhood. I am so grateful to my parents for doing whatever they could given the cards that were dealt to them. They were immigrants in a new country and they left behind their families, culture, and their place of comfort. I know it wasn’t easy as they were navigating the political landscape back in the 2000s so they were doing their best without their village or any sort of support. And at the same time, I had a very tumultuous upbringing. Because my parents were trying to make ends meet and we were living paycheck to paycheck, I didn’t grow up in a household that had a secure attachment. Our family was trying to survive in this country and we were trying to find our footing. And in that process, I have endured a lot of trauma.
Now fast forward 20 years to where my life is right now, I am grateful for the sacrifices and for what my parents provided. But there are days I struggle to parent in ways that are filled with connection. My default parenting style is to be an authoritarian and I expect my child to be compliant because that’s what I had to be in order to feel safe in my home environment. But I know that this is not the healthy way to be with children because still to this day I have to process my trauma, my feelings, and my experiences to make sense of my old programming. The more I make sense of my old programming and untangle my upbringing, I can make space for a new programming.
And that’s what I feel like I am constantly doing. There are good days and there are challenging days when it comes to parenting. But I feel called to change my old programming because I want to provide a better foundation for my child. And the reason why I am able to provide a better foundation is because my parents did what they could. They tried their best and I do struggle with my old programming. So I feel like I am on this sacred journey like the wild robot in the movie. I feel like I have been assigned a sacred task with the gift of my child. My child is such a gift and it took a lot of trials and struggles for us to be this family of 3. And I am so thankful to my Maker who gave me this gift through him. I feel called to parent in a way that I think somewhere down the line, my ancestors had forgotten how to parent in the way that is aligned to our sacredness. And I feel like I have been tasked to heal myself and heal those who came before me and those who will come after me.
The constant reprogramming can feel very strenuous at times because it’s calling me to be mindful in ways that I don’t think I have been before. For the first five years of my child’s life, I have parented him in ways that were not the most healthy. I was on autopilot and I did the best I could with the knowledge and resources that I had at that time. Now that I have more resources and more knowledge, I feel like it’s my mission to do this sacred task of parenting in mindful ways that will bring about connection, empathy, and a secure attachment with my child. And not only do I feel called to heal and rebuild our family in this way, but I also feel called to inspire, share, and support other parents in their journey of parenting. I want to teach, share, and grow with other parents who are looking to parent their children in mindful ways. Parenting is so sacred and our children need us so that they can be the leaders of our communities and our Muslim ummah. May God allow me to be used in the most sacred and beneficial ways so that parents, children, and future generations can heal and have a solid foundation and connection with each other. The world is in desperate need of this and I pray God uses me for this sacred work in the way He sees fit. Ameen.
Sign up for the Ramadan special to access the 2025 monthly coaching calls and book club for only $250 for the year.
Check out some of the testimonials from members of the Fob Village! We can’t wait to welcome you into our community so we can grow together through our monthly group coaching sessions, inshaAllah!
