The Greatest Teacher
is actually my son. He is a gift and he is a mirror to me. And what better teacher is there than a person who mirrors all the things you would rather not see and face about yourself?
With the birth of a child, a parent is born. As a child grows through the stages of infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, a parent goes through those same stages alongside them. I find it so fascinating and humbling that, often, we think we are the ones teaching our children. But if we take a step back and reflect, we realize that it’s actually our children who have been teaching us all along. Subhan’Allah (All praise and glory to Allah), isn’t it amazing that as we transition into parenthood, Allah sends us the perfect teacher—our children—to guide us?
I remember when my son was born, I had this great itch to delve into books. Twice a week, I would go to the library or a coffee shop with a book in hand so that I could read. I wanted to equip myself so that I could be the perfect mother and teacher for my son. However, as I delved into these books, the parts of myself that I was running away from came to the surface. It screamed at me wanting my attention and pushing me into my healing journey. I fondly look back at the countless hours at those coffee shops and library corners and I realize I felt this calling in me to go deep within me. And I realize that it has been my son who has been teaching me all these years to do this deep internal work in order to become a conscious and intentional parent.
There was a time in my life when the thought of becoming a parent terrified me. The idea of having children made me anxious because I felt unprepared. But deep within, I also felt a longing to have a child. Allah knew that it would be through my child that I could heal the wounds buried deep within me. I remember going to graduate school and getting two Montessori certifications because I thought that would make me feel equipped to be a mother. However, no amount of book knowledge could fully prepare me for the reality of becoming a mom.
Becoming a mother has meant constantly humbling myself to the fact that I don’t know it all. I am still learning, still growing. And as I grow, my son challenges me every day to look within at the wounds that emerge. Through his feisty ways, he teaches me that parenting is not really about shaping him into someone important or giving him a title. It’s about me—discovering who I am so I can deepen my relationship with Allah.
I’d like to share a specific example of what I mean. A couple of years ago, I decided to homeschool my son. It wasn’t an easy decision. I had always loved being a Montessori teacher in the classroom; it was what I was trained to do. But there were so many signs telling me I needed to be home with my child. The biggest sign I couldn’t ignore was the lack of attachment and connection I felt with him. I realized that while I was able to deeply connect with my students, I barely knew my own son. The connection I was missing with him felt impossible to ignore.
I felt this strong need to pause and assess what was happening. Naturally, as a teacher, I thought homeschooling would be a breeze. After all, I was used to managing 28 little humans every day. But I quickly learned that it wouldn’t be as easy as I thought. Being with my son, teaching him, and yes—even mothering him—felt unfamiliar and challenging. I had sent him to school at a young age, so I hadn’t spent much time with him. I was working long hours, both at work and at home, and weekends seemed like a blur. Becoming a full-time mom was something I wasn’t prepared for. There was no book to teach me how to do it. But that was the path laid out before me.
And my son was my teacher. Every conflict, every meltdown, every argument, and every disagreement pushed me to look deep within myself again. Didn’t I already do this work? Clearly, there was more to learn. And once again, my son was teaching me. Little did he know, his outbursts reflected my own unhealed emotions. His defiance mirrored my own disconnection—first from myself, then from him. His meltdowns showed me that I needed to create spaces of empathy and trust for him. But in order to do that, I had to create safety and trust for my own emotions, too.
It was at this pivotal moment that I began to learn about conscious parenting and positive discipline. I enrolled in a positive discipline parenting training to better understand both myself and my son. I saw how much he struggled to connect with me because I was so disconnected from myself and everything around me. That’s when the breakthrough happened. My son was reflecting back to me the wounds I hadn’t yet healed. And I had been taking his behavior personally because I didn’t know how to respond to my own wounds. Once again, he pushed me outside of my comfort zone, forcing me to learn how to become a more conscious and intentional parent.
My son has been my greatest teacher, even before his soul entered this world. I am so grateful to Allah for sending him into my life and for humbling me in ways I could never have imagined. He pushes me to be a better version of myself, and I pray that Allah showers him with love, protection, mercy, and guidance. Ameen.
I often imagine what kind of conversations I will have with my son in the future. What kind of relationship will I have with him? Will this healing work and parenting journey pay off? Will we be estranged from one another? Or will our relationship grow and evolve into something so beautiful in the eyes of Allah. I pray it is the latter. And I pray that this conversation comes to pass with my son where I can start off with a genuine apology. Yes, you read that correctly. A genuine apology because I know that I’m still learning and I am still making mistakes and I will never be perfect. And I also want him to know that as well. So it will be something along the lines like this:
"My dearest son, I love you, and I am so proud of the person you are. I apologize for the times I’ve fallen short. I never promised you that I would be perfect, but I’ve always told you that Mama will make mistakes, and Mama will apologize and keep doing better. I hope you see that even though I have faltered, I have tried. As you’ve grown, I’ve been healing and learning too, and sometimes it’s been hard to take it all in. I didn’t always know how to handle everything. And I still don’t. But please know that I am so grateful for the times you’ve told me when I hurt you, when my yelling made you feel scared, and when I needed to take accountability for my actions. Only someone who truly loves another can be that honest. You’ve pushed me to face my wounds and take responsibility for my actions. You’ve shown me where I need to grow, and for that, I thank you for being such an incredible teacher. If there’s anything left unspoken, please know that you can always come to me. I’m here now, ready to listen, with no judgment. Your feelings matter to me, and I am truly sorry for not always holding that space for you. I love you, and I am so proud of who you are and who you’ve become. Thank you for being my greatest teacher and for playing such a pivotal role in my life."
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